Everyone on this planet, without over-characterizing, over-analyzing or over-generalizing wants answers. Me especially. I want to know why in the world this planet is so miserable. And why I’ve been so cynical lately.
Truthfully, it’s stupid. I try really hard while watching a movie to relate to one character and find out how he finds true happiness. Relentlessly searching for the one thing that makes everything make sense. As if one thing could. How in the world is one Confucius haiku or phrase going to make it all better.
I over-analyze wonderfully (horribly). I think of every situation I ever encounter and try to find either an analogy to explain how my life is or how it will be.
Where is the universal truth? Is it love every one? Make this planet green? Save the whales? Ride the wave? “If you can dream it, you can do it!”? WTF?
Seriously? That’s the problem with my head, I go over and over and over the facts of where I am, who I’ve been and how in the crap I’m gonna make it into someone who’s worth SOME kind of merit. As if I’m not some sort of human/zombie jello mold this world has conformed me into. I just want answers. Answers to every question I ever have. Duh! That’s not asking for much.
Now when I answer my own questions I end up with way too many possibilities. Now let’s get this clear, I’m talking about all the questions that matter. There are the day-to-day questions, but mainly the ones that really matter are the ones I want the answers to. But like I said I see way too many possibilities of who I could be. So I find myself deep in a deluded muck that is my life. The facts merge together to form one big dirt cloud that leaves me answer-less.
So how do we cope? With finding the next fix. The stupidest way to do it. But that’s all we do. Well, since I don’t know what job I’m meant to do, I think I’ll just drink away the pain. Or anything to occupy the time it takes in b/t searching for the answer and settling for the first thing that comes our way.
All I’m saying is, we can’t find these answers alone.
