‘False Faults Are Too True’ or ‘The Blame Game’

Ahhh yes a second entry, maybe I’m committing to this blog…

Ok, so basically I’m confused. Pretty much daily. I feel like I have some ducks in a row, then I discover something about myself. I’ve gone my whole life thinking that I have the right intentions for things, or think that I’m doing the right thing, but I realize some of the time I’m completely not. I just can’t believe I didn’t notice this kinda stuff sooner. And honestly it makes me sick that I’m not the only one who was oblivious.

I try really hard (or at least I tell myself that I do), to be that great guy who knows what he’s talking about. The thing is, I don’t have hardly anything figured out. For instance tonight I asked Nicole a question about something she had said the other night. I knew she was tired. The answer’s important to me, and I really want to know what it is. But I gave her the option since she was tired to answer it or not. She chose to answer it later since she was tired. Old Luke would have given her the option, but then tried to force the answer out anyway. I’d say something like well could you just give me a hint of whether it was bad or not? Or could you give me a summary? Progressive Luke bit his tongue and actually let her decide to answer later. Which I’m proud of that, but I know that I wouldn’t have been able to do that a while back.

So what would have been so wrong about what the Old Luke would have done? Well, I wouldn’t really be giving her that option. It’s completely unfair. And honestly, the more that I think about it, it’s childish. It would prove I have no self-control. “I JUST WANNA KNOW NOW!” Like a freaking 6 yr. old. I find myself battling with adulthood issues like this.

I have to say I was never taught how to be honest with myself, or how to REALLY be an adult, or “a man.” Which “a man” is a misconstrued idea in this world in a lot of places. “A man” is not a beer drinkin’, race watchin’, “MAKE ME A SAMMICH!” yellin’, spouse disregarding animal. “A man” is an image of God with a handle on his emotions with a strong will to take action being. Animal vs. Being I guess. And listen I don’t mean to make it sound like I am blaming my parents for the way I am. I’m blaming my parents for what habits I have to break. Because the way I am is not always something I can’t change. I can change the desire to force an answer out of someone, I can change the way I react to anything. It’s all conditioning. I guess what I’m realizing as I’m writing this, is that the way you were raised doesn’t necessarily make who you are going to be permanently, but rather if you wish you didn’t react the way you do to certain stuff you have to re-train yourself. Which is incredibly hard & time consuming. But that’s what adulthood is about. Being smart and then strong.

In addition to the epidemic of Americans as “non-thinkers,” I would say America has a problem with The Blame Game. We all so desperately want to pass of the blame so that we can conveniently go on about our lives. That’s what America’s motto should be: “Convenience. It Rocks, Dude!” Which, it does, but it’s not cool when it makes you lazier and hurts you as a person. Convenience is like a double fudge chocolate cake. It is aweeessommeee. But too much of it could make you fat and lazy. I’m not saying don’t use your remote control, but it’s more other principles like ordering pizza when you could make a salad type deal, right? But back to blaming, we love to blame other people for how we are. I could really blame my parents for not setting me up to be on my own. Or have any kind of financial advice. Or really just being proactive on anything at all. Or how to find out how to get a good deal on something. Idk. Anything would have helped so that I’m not so ill-equipped for the real world. I really can’t say much because they never went to a financial class, the never went to a marriage counseling class, they never studied anything except what was convenient. They are part of the American epidemic called non-thinkers. But the fact is, I was given what I’ve been given. I just have to learn it on my own. I can blame them for my habits that I have to break. But it doesn’t give me an excuse not to break them. Otherwise I form a false fault of my actions/reactions.

So all I can really try to do is realize a few things about myself:

1. I’ll always realize I’ve got something messed up that I do
2. Every time I notice one of those I’ve got to break that habit or it’s a wasted thought
3. I’ve got to be strong about saying No to certain things to gain control over myself

But in this quest to be the best I ask myself is this really just a test to assess how much less or more I do? I must confess it puts on a lot of stress, creating a giant mess, thinking the way that I do.

But I know that the more I think/talk about it, the more aware and the more I can assess the issue.

If I could form this whole blog into a couple sentences, I’d say: I don’t know what I’m talking about, but don’t screw up your life. Just keep improving on yourself and you’ll be a good person.